{Daydream Believer}

If it wasn't completely obvious from the title, this story is all about our first dance - together. It was Homecoming time and I quickly learned that one benefit of having a steady boyfriend was that it almost completely guaranteed you'd have a date to the dance.

Again, nothing is written in my journal about the day - but due to my scrapbooking, there are parts of the day that did get recorded.

I do remember that Stacy and I went to a lady's house in the neighborhood. She was a cosmotologist and Stacy regularly babysat for her. She did both our hair and then we went home to do whatever we needed to do that Saturday before the dance.

The rest is what I wrote down in my scrapbook.

Daydream Believer - October 1996

Date - October 1996

Theme - "Daydream Believer"

The Guy - Eric

The Group - Russ & Stacy

Eric & Me

Where We Went to Eat - Frontier Pies

What I Had To Eat - Ham, Scrambled Eggs and Hashbrowns

Activities - We went to dinner, then to the dance and then to Red's for ice cream.

Interesting Thing That Happened - I didn't know when the guys were coming to pick us up, so I didn't have any makeup on.

There's a bit more to the story about not having makeup on. Stacy knew what time the boys were planning to pick us up, but she had forgotten to tell me. By the time they arrived (I had been napping), they already had to wait for me to get into my dress and I didn't want to make them wait longer while I did my makeup.

Then it came time to put the boutonniere. Because it was my first semi-formal dance, I was super nervous. I didn't know what I was doing and I was afraid of poking Eric with the pin. Plus, there was something about being that close to him with my mom and friends watching. If I remember right, my mom had to help me get the stupid thing on Eric because of my nerves.

...See, super awkward...

...Everything is where it should be and more importantly no one shed any blood...

No, I don't know what is up with the photos. I fixed them up as best I could. Guess my mom's camera decided to have a crappy day that day. Thankfully we have the awesome posed photos from the day.

And such was our first dance date. We really did have a good time, but I felt self-conscious most of the night because of the lack of makeup. Guess Eric learned early on to look beyond the outside. HAHAHAHA!

{Haunted}

So this is an interesting post. Had I not written about it in my journal, I wouldn't have even remembered it. Even reading about it I don't remember a lot about it. Funny how time does that.

September 26, 1996

"Anywayz, yesterday me and Stacy + Russ + Eric went to the Haunted Woods. It was so dumb. It was more like a play and not at all like a haunted house. It was fun though. Eric kept scaring Stacy and it was funny to watch her. Eric also kept volunteering me for everything. It was a fun time."

I love that I contradicted myself in that statement.

...I love that I kept this ticket, if for nothing else - just to see the admission price...

We haven't really been to a haunted house in years. I guess Eric thought it was worth the price of admission when we were dating, but not when we're married. And actually he made a good point a few years back when we talked about it.

He said that fear is one of the worst emotions we feel and yet we pay to experience that exact emotion. It logically makes no sense.

{It's Official}

Yet another story that should've been recorded somewhere, yet wasn't. It seems to me like this could've quite possibly been during the same phone conversation as mentioned in Measure Of A Boy. If it wasn't it happened a short time later.

Edited to add: Due to an entry later on in my journal I now know the date this happened.

August 28, 1996

We were having yet another phone conversation, fairly late at night. I don't even remember what our conversation was about. However, in the course of our conversation the following took place:

ERIC SAYS SOMETHING...
SHILO: Why?
ERIC: Because you're my girl.
SHILO: Says you.
ERIC: Well, unless you don't want to be.

I realize my response wasn't the best of responses. But, I was kind of taken by surprise when Eric dropped those words! He had spent a lot of time convincing me (and probably trying to convince himself) that we weren't going to be a couple and we didn't need to have a relationship. But somewhere along the way, he fell and he fell hard!

I loved the way he phrased his words. It sounded so old school and something the good guys would say in the good ol' days. I was and will always be a sucker for chivalry.

I of course really had no complaints and I was thrilled that we were now 'going out'. I slept really good that night with plenty of butterflies flying around in my stomach!

SOURCE

{The Talk}

Don't get too excited. This wasn't necessarily a 'BIG' talk or anything, just one that happened. And truth be told - it may have happened before the previous post, but I kind of forgot. It's bound to happen after 17 years.

And once again, this story made no appearance in my journal.

I'll be the first to admit that I was always a little boy crazy. And while I really liked Eric and wanted to pursue a relationship, I also had at least 3 other guys on my mind. (Yes, Eric knew this) Because of this I wanted to know what Eric was thinking, or I guess feeling is the more accurate word.

Now if you know me, you know I've always been a bit shy and saying what's on my mind doesn't come easily. (At least when I'm talking person to person) So for this story to happen, it took guts.

One summer night after hanging out with Russ and Stacy, I told Eric we needed to talk. And of course, everyone thinks about a million different things when someone says that to you.

It was definitely difficult for me to bring up and I'm sure I sounded like a complete idiot. But the gist of it was that I wanted to know where our 'relationship' was going, and where I 'stood' in his eyes.

Being the honest guy that he is, he replied with, "Right now, no one stands anywhere."

SOURCE

Eric was just enjoying his time and wasn't necessarily interested in a relationship. He wasn't in any sort of hurry to rush into a relationship or be serious about any girl. I was the one in a hurry and for whatever reason felt we needed some sort of definition for what we were doing.

I left that conversation feeling like a fool and not sure what to think. In a way I was relieved that Eric didn't want to be serious, but I also felt that if that was the case - I was wasting my time hanging out with him.

I think we both kind of decided to just see where things went and go from there. It killed me, but at least it gave me a reason to not feel guilty going out with the other guys I liked.

{Measure Of A 'Boy'}

This story is one that has stuck with me since the day it happened and quite honestly, it'll probably still be with me when I die. I can't believe that with the impact this story had on me, I didn't write it down in my journal. But such is life. At least the story will be told somewhere other than my head now.

So the 4 of us (Russ, Stacy, Eric and me) spent a lot of time together that summer. One night we were at Stacy's hanging out. We had ordered pizza and were watching tv. I can't even remember if we were watching something specific or if we just had the tv on.

Before long a commercial came on for the zoo (I think, it may have been for the fair...). The first image it showed was of an ape. I kind of jokingly said, "Hey look, it's Eric." We all got a chuckle out of it. A few seconds later the image was of a pig (maybe it was a cow now that I'm typing it out) and Eric said, "And there's Shilo."

The laughter wasn't the same.

We were all kind of quiet after that. A bit later it was time for the boys to go home, so they headed out. Stacy and I stayed and talked about the situation with her older sister (who was with us the whole time) and we all kind of agreed it was a low blow.

I had a lot of thoughts running through my head after it happened. Things like, "Eric's a jerk." "I can't believe he just called me a cow/pig." "Did he really just make fun of me?" "He must not like me."

Adding fuel to the fire was everything that Stacy and her sister had said. I can't remember what exactly, but they really weren't nice things about Eric and more towards the point of not going out with him again.

I was super self-concious at the time and because it was said while I was eating, I was really quite embarrassed. I went home in really low spirits.

Later that night I got a phone call. 

It was Eric.

I think the first words out of his mouth were something like, "I need to apologize."

WOAH! Wait a second. Did I really just hear what I thought I heard? I was overwhelmed.

I think we spent the first 5 minutes of that conversation arguing whether or not Stacy or Russ had called him and told him to apologize. Eric had to defend his side and actions and wanted me to know that no one had to tell him I was upset and that he should apologize. (He really is good at reading between the lines)

I really appreciated his gesture. He didn't realize when he said what he said, how it would affect me - but he clearly knew he took things a bit too far after the words had left his lips.

I realized right then that Eric was a pretty stand-up guy. Not only did he apologize - he did it on his own THAT night. He didn't let it go longer than necessary and wanted to ease my pain.

That is still true of his actions today. He is quick to apologize when he realizes he's hurt me. Very rarely does he point out my wrong doings (and yes, I do realize that I hurt his feelings a bit too that night), and all he wants is to make things right. It's not always an easy task for him and it's not always over as quickly as we'd like, but it has always made our relationship stronger and more honest. 

It is one quality of Eric's that I absolutely love. (Okay, it's actually a quality I have a love/hate relationship with)

{Movie Night}

Sometimes you look back on things and realize there's a lot you missed and a lot you overlook in a person when you're head over heels about them. One such thing for us, that has almost ALWAYS been the case is Eric's taste in movies.

I'm not saying we never agree on movies, but there is A LOT of give and take that goes on. We have to give each other the benefit of the doubt and see movies that the other one wants to see. Sometimes we've found that we actually enjoyed the movie the other person chose and sometimes, we figure out that we do "crazy things when (we're) in love."

Journal Entry made Monday, August 26. 1996

"Anywayz after work I came home and called Stacy. She came up because we were going to do something with the guys. (Russ and Eric) Stacy called them, but neither one was home so we went outside and sat for awhile.

Then just before I came in for dinner, Russ called. About a half hour later me and Stacy went up to Eric's where we watched Happy Gilmore. It was an okay show, but I didn't really like it.

Halfway through the movie, me and Eric held hands. Even after the movie was over he was still holding my hand and his other hand was resting on my leg. I was happy.

When we finally told Eric we needed to go home, he drove us to my house. The we got out and started hugging. Then we started kissing. After that we just hugged for a little while longer when Eric said, "Well we better get Russ home," so they left."

Yes, I totally spelled 'anyways' wrong. For some reason when I was in high school it was cool to replace some 's' letters at the end of words with a 'z'. Don't ask me what that was all about. Also, I should mention that Eric was the only one of us that had his own vehicle, so he often played the part of chauffeur.

Yes, I still think Happy Gilmore is just okay. The best part of that movie has always been and will always be when Bob Barker knocks the crap out of Adam Sandler. (Yes, Sandler makes a huge comeback, but it's funny none the less.)

{It's A Date!}

So it only took the boy a month and a half to decide that a real date was in order.

Journal entry Thursday August 1, 1996

"I went to work then came home and got ready to go to a movie with Stacy, Russ and Eric. A DATE!!!

We went and saw Independence Day, a movie I didn't want to see, but I'm glad I did see it. It was cool! Halfway through the movie me and Eric help hands. To say the least I (was) happy.

After the movie we went to Arctic Circle, supposedly to get shakes. Stacy was the only one to get a shake and I got a drink. Eric and Russ didn't get anything, so Stacy wouldn't eat it.

We then went to my house and layed on the grass looking up at the stars. (My family was at my Grandma's house). We were probably looking at the stars for about a 1/2 hour.

We then went for a walk around the neighborhood. Me and Eric held hand again. Eric talked to me a lot and so we were having our own conversation.

After the walk the guys decided they better go home so we stayed by Eric's car for awhile. When they finally decided to go home Russ gave Stacy a hug and then Eric gave me one. I was happy. Eric even said he'd call me tomorrow, so I hope he does. I think he might like me. I can only hope. I'm starting to change my mind about not having a boyfriend. I think if Eric ever asked me out, I'd say yes."

Oh the fun of being a teenager. At least the date ended on a high note.

{He Loves Me...He Loves Me Not}

This next story will comprise of a few different journal entries. It was a weird time for me, for sure. And though I didn't realize it at the time, Eric was probably feeling all sorts of different ways as well. I almost wanted to entitle this post as Let The Mind Games BEGIN!

I am realizing I was a horrible writer in my teens. Talk about never ending sentences...Sorry about that.

Journal entry Wednesday June 12, 1996 Continued...

"On Tuesday (June 11), Eric called me and he told me he was confused about whether or not he wanted to make a commitment or not, I don't know what that meant, but then he said that I was exciting, so I don't know. Then when I called him today he was watching a movie, so he said he'd cll me back, but he never did so I don't know what to think. I guess I'll just give it time and then see what happens."

Why we were even discussing commitment after one date is beyond me. Probably in my hopeless romantic, teenage brain - I thought our 'relationship' needed some defining or something...

The 'mind games' continued for the next few entries.

Journal entry Thursday June 13, 1996

"Eric called and asked me if I wanted to go wash his car for him and so I said yeah! So he came and got me and Stacy and we went and washed his car for him. After we were done washing his car he took us to the church and let me and Stacy try to drive his stick-shift car, so Stacy went first and I went second. I think I did pretty good, except when I tried to park it."

I should've learned early on, Eric was a sweet talker and would be able to talk me into doing anything when the right words were said. And to this day I still don't drive a stick-shift. Eric hasn't let me learn in his car and to be honest, I don't know that I'd want to.

Continuing on...

The first part of the next entry describes how Eric called and I was so surprised, but I was quickly frustrated because all he wanted to talk about was who Stacy liked. At one point he put me on the phone with Russ and I went through the same rigamarole with him. But in the course of talking with Russ we get my next entry.

Journal entry Friday June 14, 1996

"Then as me and Russ were talking I explained to him how I felt about Eric and Russ told me that Eric told Russ that he liked me, but Im not sure. Then when I was talking to Eric again he told me that he'd take me to a movie, but he was even too broke to get gas in his car! So I guess that's a good sign. He also told me I did a good job driving his car until I tried parking it."

SOURCE

I love that I actually used the phrase so and so told so and so that so and so liked so and so! Hahaha! Total teenage conversation there.

The final entry for today's story goes a little something like this:

Journal entry Wednesday June 26, 1996

"As for Eric, I don't know what's up with him he hasn't called or talked to me since last time I wrote so I'm really confused."

As a teenager not hearing from someone I was so 'in love' with for almost 2 weeks drove me crazy! I hated the back and forth and not knowing what was going on. I definitely fell hard.

{The First Official Unofficial Date}

I call this our first official unofficial date because Eric was less than thrilled to go with me. (Ask him, he'll tell you) He only agreed to go with me because he knew Stacy would only be able to go if I went with them...

This is one story that I actually wrote in my journal about. Which is actually somewhat amazing as keeping a journal has never been a forte of mine.

As it was I made this journal entry a couple days after the fact and we'll just start there. I mention a few other guys in this post. Chris was my best friend and while I was 'into' him when we first met, we quickly just became almost best friends. Justin was the kid I really actually did like.

Also, apparently I knew nothing about correct grammar at this point in my life. AHEM...Oops.

Entry made June 12, 1996, date took place on June 10.

"Around 6:30 I went and talked to Chris. He told me I need to find 1 guy and he also told me that Justin wasn't my type. Then around 7:30, Stacy came and asked me if I wanted to go to Laser Tag with this other kid I like named Eric. So we went back to my house and called Eric back, then by 8:30 we decided to go.

Eric's friends, Russ and Jared also came with us. After Laser Tag we went to Arctic Circle, then we went to Eric's house to play basketball. At about a quarter to 12:00 we decided we better go home. When we got to my house me and Eric were talking for awhile then Stacy came out of the car and started talking to us too!

We all talked until 12:30 when we decided we better walk Stacy home. When me and Eric were walking back to my house we held hands and then we got on my porch and kissed for awhile and then we hugged for awhile. Then we all got in trouble for not being home on time."

There are a few things I remember quite clearly that I never even wrote about in my journal....

I totally lost the Laser Tag game. I had never even played the game before and had NO IDEA what I was doing. I also wore a white shirt which made me stick out like a sore thumb. However, I did keep the score sheet from that day.

I ended up spilling my milkshake all over the place before the whole porch incident and Eric CLAIMS it ended up all over him...uh not sure how that would've even happened.

When I said we all got in trouble, we did. Stacy and Eric both got grounded. I would've been grounded, but because I was technically 'home', my parents just let me know that they expected me INSIDE the house by midnight, not outside of it!

{Then We Met...Kinda}

I apologize...this is another story that has a bit of background that needs to be told before I can get into the meat of the story.

On the street I grew up on lived a couple other girls that I did things with regularly. One was about 6 months older than me (Stacy) and one was about a year younger than me (Britney). We rarely did things all together (3 girls together never went well for us) and Stacy and Britney spent a lot more time together.

Eric grew up on a street with tons of boys his age. Seriously I can think of like 10 off the top of my head. One such boy was Russ.

Now this is part of the story I may tell wrong, because it had really nothing to do with me - BUT, it is important to our story.

Somehow Eric knew Stacy. I don't know if it's because Stacy knew Russ and they all hung out together or what. But at some point Britney hung out with them a couple times as well.
The part of the story that involves me continues below.

I grew up at a time where the Young Women had regularly scheduled basketball games with other wards. I felt like a really good player (even though I probably wasn't great) and really enjoyed our games.

So Stacy, Britney and I were all at a game together and we were waiting for our game to start.
Not long after, Eric and Russ walk into the building. Apparently Stacy and/or Britney had invited them to the game.

Because I hadn't really talked to Eric (except for the one time in the class we had in 8th grade), I wasn't completely sure of his name. I had thought I remembered that his name was Eric, but I couldn't be sure.

Being the shy person that I am, I was too afraid to talk to him myself - so I did the next best thing. I got my friend to do it for me.

Britney was an upbeat, happy and bubbly girl and had no issue talking to strangers. So I asked her to 'go ask that kid what his name is.'

She did so and came back replying that his name was Eric. I was silently pleased with myself for remembering his name and for the next little while - Eric was at the forefront of my teenage mind. As for Eric, I don't think he even gave it a second thought.

{And So It Begins...}

To begin, lets give you a bit of background.

Eric and I grew up fairly close to each other, but far enough away that we didn't know each other for a long time.

We went to different elementary schools, but to the same Jr. High. If you're familiar with the LDS/Mormon religion: we grew up in the same stake, but different wards. In short, we lived less than 1 mile away from each other. (16 minutes walking distance per Google)

In junior high we had one class together and then we had different choir classes, but had to join up for concerts. It was during one of these concerts that I had an interesting experience that I hadn't really thought about until a few days ago.

Because of the class Eric and I had together, I kind of knew who he was. (The story about that class can be read here) Now here comes the moment you will either take as 'inspiration', 'former knowledge' or you'll just think, "This chick is cray-cray!" You are entitled to your opinion, but mine is that it was a combination of inspiration and former knowledge.

We had either just ended a choir concert and we were arriving (can't really remember at this point), but I do remember seeing Eric with his parents and I just had this feeling that I knew these people. It was an odd feeling and I quickly set it aside, but knowing what I know now - I wonder if it was more.

It had more to do with his parents, even, than it did Eric. I had never even really talked to Eric and I definitely hadn't met his parents, so it really was odd.

And that is where the story actually began...